


leakedroyalmovie.mp4

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cybersex, Exhibitionism, F/M, Healthy Kismesissitude, M/M, Pesterlog, Porn Watching, Stuff kinky to trolls, Twerking, Underage means 16.5 year olds having sexual banter, Voyeurism, tentabulges and nooks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-21 02:20:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11934282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: Every 100 sweeps Condesce leaks a sex video and Sollux and Equius are lucky enough to watch one.





	leakedroyalmovie.mp4

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Lovve 8ites and So Do I](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2292095) by [subtropicalStenella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/subtropicalStenella/pseuds/subtropicalStenella). 



twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]  
TA: hey 2our2pade, iit2 moviie morniing.  
TA: hey!  
TA: 2top mole2tiing your robot2 and an2wer.  
CT: D --> I am not at your beck and call, lowb100d  
TA: but you diid agree to moviie morniing, 2our2pade.  
TA: thiis ii2 the morniing and tiime.  
CT: D --> Is it really Frognite already  
CT: D --> I was certain today was Thumpnite  
TA: look at your hoofbea2t calendar agaiin.  
CT: D --> Oh my, it is  
TA: you have got two pay attentiion.  
CT: D --> It’s not like you don’t get caught up in your hobbies  
TA: at lea2t ii remembered thii2 and iim the one wiith the fucked-up thiink pan.  
TA: iim tryiing two make thii2 relatiion2hiip work.  
CT: D --> I’m not against movie night  
CT: D --> In fact, I have many movies I would like you to see  
TA: not 2o fa2t, iit2 my turn.  
CT: D --> Is it really  
TA: dont you remember?  
TA: la2t frogniite you made me watch **BROKEBOW:** The Motion Picture: The Fifth Sequel.  
TA: all 180 goddamn miinute2 of iit  
CT: D --> The film took that long because it needed to be that long  
CT: D --> No scene was unimportant  
TA: iit had almost half an hour worth of pan2 of that fuckiing 2paceship.  
CT: D --> It was an e%cellent display of technology  
CT: D --> You are interested in technology right  
TA: yeah technology rock2 but ii hate 2pace2hiip2.  
CT: D --> You must get used to the idea of being a spaceship  
CT: D --> Besides, the scene was  
CT: D --> 22 minutes long  
CT: D --> E%actly  
TA: ..  
TA: damn iit.  
TA: well, ii 2tii hate the moviie and iim glad iit2 my turn.  
CT: D --> Are you going to make me watch that ridiculous movie about criminals “hacking” computers from the troll 1990s  
TA: ii hate that moviie two.  
TA: ii only briing iit out two pii22 off kk becau2e he ha2 a hate-wriigly for troll angeliina joliie.  
TA: he 2tiill ha2nt gotten over her 2tealiing troll jennifer ani2ton2 mate2priit.  
CT: D --> I don’t forgive her either  
TA: you 2hould have a hate wank wiith kk sometiime.  
TA: ii only thiink 2he2 over-rated.  
TA: but thii2 moviie ha2 a better 2eatroll.  
TA: you could 2ay 2he2 the top female 2eatroll.  
CT: D --> You mean troll Esther Williams  
TA: who?  
TA: oh, ii looked iit up, 2he2 the one wiith the water mu2iical2 from the troll 1940'2.  
TA: 2iince when have ii ever 2hown any iinterest iin mu2iical2?  
CT: D --> I think she’s an e%cellent performer no matter what the critics say  
TA: no, when ii 2ay top, ii mean TOP.  
TA: you cant get more hiigher than her.  
CT: D --> You mean Her Imperious Condescension (May All Fear Her Name)  
TA: yep.  
CT: D --> That sounds edifying  
TA: ii know youll enjoy iit.  
CT: D --> TOO edifying  
CT: D --> This is that deprived recording of an  
CT: D --> Intimate session  
CT: D --> Isn’t it lowb100d  
TA: oh my, iim 2urprii2ed the upriight equiiu2 zahhak know2 of 2uch iilliict materiial.  
TA: perhap2 ii 2hould choo2e 2omethiing he ha2nt watched 100 tiime2?  
CT: D --> I have only 100ked at an article pertaining to it  
CT: D --> And I only 100ked at that singular article once  
TA: you diidnt have the control two fiind out more before you 2queezed one out, diid you?  
CT: D --> I almost 100% forgotten about that distressing news when I completed the article  
CT: D --> You just forced that my memory out of me  
TA: you were awfully quiick two remember  
CT: D --> I suppose you’ve already memorized 100% of the recording  
TA: actually, ii havent watched iit yet.  
TA: iive been avoiidiing tran2cript2 and 2ummariies two.  
TA: ii wa2 2aviing my2elf for you.   
CT: D --> What makes you think I will join you in this criminal enterprise  
TA: iif iit2 criimiinal than half the empiire iis goiing down.  
TA: they cant pro2ecute everyone.  
CT: D --> Aren’t you in a precarious position as a psionic  
CT: D --> A very STRONG psionic  
TA: thank2 for the flattery but iit wont make a difference iif iim a good boy or not.  
TA: iif they need me two be a helm2man, they are goiing two 2trap me two a helm.  
TA: ii miight a2 well have fun.  
CT: D --> You may have given up on being a decent subject but I haven’t  
TA: a decent 2ubject who date2 more than 2 ca2te2 below hiim?  
CT: D --> That’s technically not illegal  
CT: D --> Watching an unauthorized recording of our esteemed monarch’s personal moments is e%tremely illegal  
TA: unauthoriized?  
TA: iill let you iin on a 2ecret:  
TA: conde2ce leaked the recordiing her2elf.  
CT: D --> Do you have proof of this accusation  
TA: no, but everyone know2 iit.  
TA: 2he doe2 thii2 every 100 2weep2.  
TA: exactly every 100 2weep2.  
TA: that2 really damn 2u2piiciiou2.  
CT: D --> Why would She do that  
TA: 2he2 a total exhiibiitiionii2t.  
TA: 2he want2 everyone two know how fuckiing rad 2he ii2 on platform.  
TA: but 2he cant directly relea2e a 2ex tape becau2e 2he ha2 her diigiiniity.  
TA: 2o 2he 2ecretly “leak2” one.  
CT: D --> That is a ridiculous stunt to pull  
TA: dont act liike you wouldnt do the 2ame iif you were monarch.  
TA: you are 2o vaiin about your 2TRONG body.  
TA: youd have all your portraiit2 done nude.  
CT: D --> If I did that  
CT: D --> They would be artistic nudes  
TA: giiviing your iidea of “artii2tiic” ii2 trolls beiing cru2hed by geniital2 ii thiink they would rate quadruple X.  
TA: hell, the fiir2t nude 2elfiie you 2ent two me wa2 a 2peculum 2hot of your nook.  
CT: D --> I recall you were the first to bring up nude pictures  
CT: D --> I didn’t ask for any  
TA: that2 becau2e even you dont want two 2ee my 2kiinny diigu2tiing body.  
CT: D --> True  
TA: youre the hot one iin thii2 quadrant.  
TA: well, bodywii2e.  
TA: you have a face only a lu2u2 could love.  
CT: D --> And you have a cute face  
CT: D --> E%cept for the teeth  
TA: thank2.  
TA: now the empre22e22..  
TA: you do thiink 2he2 hot dont you?  
CT: D --> She is e%quisite  
CT: D --> Not “hot”  
TA: okay exquii2iite.  
TA: dont you owe iit two her two watch her perfect body iin motiion?  
TA: iit2 patriiotiic.  
CT: D --> I must admit I am  
CT: D --> Curious  
TA: glad you fiinally admiited that.  
CT: D --> I would like to know which troll She deemed worthy of Her platform  
TA: huh, you really havent read much, have you?  
TA: iit2 the grand hiighblood.  
CT: D --> Isn’t He Her moirail  
TA: apparently 2he ha2 hiim iin two quadrant2.  
CT: D --> Perhaps I should allow the couple Their privacy  
TA: dont get cold feet on me now.  
TA: ii know you al2o want two 2ee the grand highblood naked.  
TA: that2 why you u2ed two 2talk gz.  
CT: D --> I didn’t “stalk” him  
CT: D --> I just communicated with him very often  
CT: D --> And I don’t do that much anymore  
TA: yeah, iin2tead you 2tarted “communiicatiing” wiith me.  
TA: iim a better choiice than gz, no offen2e to the poor clown.  
TA: (actually, all the offen2e)  
TA: however, the clown ha2 a hot ance2tor.  
CT: D --> We don’t know 100% if Grand Highb100d XIII is Gamzee Makara’s Ancestor  
CT: D --> And His Capriciousness cannot be described as “hot”  
TA: true and true.  
TA: but you can pretend.  
TA: the conde2ce briing2 enough for the both of them.  
CT: D --> She could do worse  
CT: D --> Though I am surprised She is with a landtroll  
TA: nothiing wrong wiith that.  
TA: iit2 better than the rumors 2he hook2 up wiith her 2hip2.  
CT: D --> Preposterous  
CT: D --> How would that even work  
TA: ii try not to thiink about that.  
TA: anyway..  
TA: ready two 2tream a moviie wiith me?  
CT: D --> I was planning on meditating on the glories of the Galactic Musclebeast today  
TA: good, you were planniing on ma2turbatiing anyway.  
TA: thii2 way we can ma2turbate together.  
CT: D --> I was not planning on “m******ting” on that subject  
CT: D --> And I won’t do that with this movie  
CT: D --> You can do that all you want but I’ll just watch  
CT: D --> The movie that is  
CT: D --> With my hands FIRMLY on the desk  
TA: 2o you 2ay..  
TA: iim defiiniitely goiing to get old red and blue out and ma2turbate.  
TA: (though not iif the moviie turn2 out two be really gro22)  
CT: D --> Let’s just get this silly thing over with  
TA: dont worry, the moviie ii2 only 32 miinute2 long.  
TA: ready?  
CT: D --> Ready  
\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began streaming “leakedroyalmovie.mp4” --   
CT: D --> The video is just black  
TA: iit2 dark on my end two, ii better have not gotten a bad torrent.  
TA: no waiit, ii 2ee the crack of a door.  
CT: D --> I can’t see it  
TA: maybe you 2hould take off your 2tupid 2hade2.  
CT: D --> You wear shades too  
CT: D --> Oh wait, the door opened  
CT: D --> She has arrived  
TA: thank god.  
CT: D --> Why is She being carried by the Grand Highb100d  
CT: D --> Is She hurt  
TA: ii thiink theyre just beiing cute.  
CT: D --> The Grand Highb100d must be STRONG to be able to carry Her  
TA: are you perhap2 calliing her iimperiiou2ne22 fat?  
TA: 2hame on you, eq.  
CT: D --> I didn’t mean that  
CT: D --> Just that She is  
CT: D --> Oh look, He’s setting Her down  
TA: told you.  
TA: 2he ju2t needed two be liifted up two reach hiim.  
CT: D --> The Grand Highb100d is so much bigger than I e%pected  
TA: everyone know2 he2 motherfuckiing huge.  
CT: D --> I just didn’t e%pect Him to be bigger than Our Imperiousness  
TA: why?  
CT: D --> I thought She towered over everyone  
CT: D --> Since She is the Highest  
TA: the 2pectrum doe2nt work that way.  
TA: like aa ii2 really tall even though 2he2 on the bottom.  
TA: and ed ii2 a 2hort 2hrimp.  
CT: D --> True  
CT: D --> Though oddly  
CT: D --> The Grand Highb100d’s supposed Descendant is  
CT: D --> Below average  
TA: not anymore.  
TA: gz ha2 2hot up.  
CT: D --> Really  
TA: kk feel2 2o betrayed, iit2 hilarious.  
CT: D --> Vantas is e%tremely sensitive  
CT: D --> Oh 100k  
CT: D --> She’s coming towards the camera  
CT: D --> Where is the camera located  
TA: ii dont know yet.  
TA: oh, 2he turned on a light above the camera.  
TA: ii can 2ee 2ome bottle2 and makeup and 2hiit.  
TA: iit2 her vaniity.  
TA: 2he mu2t be iin front of two way miirror.  
CT: D --> Someone dared bug our Empress’ mirror  
CT: D --> How violating  
CT: D --> Whoever did that should be punished  
TA: that would be her.  
TA: 2he couldnt not know there2 a two way miirror there, iit2 her own fuckiing palace.  
TA: plu2 look at her priimp iin front of the miirror.  
TA: 2he totally know2 2he ha2 an audiience.  
CT: D --> She must reapply her cosmetics often as a woman of fashion  
TA: 2he probably goe2 through ton2 of ma2cara and eyeliiner.  
TA: whoa, 2he2 applyiing makeup two her cleavage, that2 weiird.  
CT: D --> A fashionable woman applies makeup everywhere  
TA: ga wouldnt do that.  
CT: D --> How would you know  
TA: becau2e ii ju2t do.  
TA: well, ii hope 2he doe2nt.  
TA: do you thiink vrii2ka does that?  
CT: D --> I don’t want to know  
TA: okay 2he2 2teppiing away from the two-way miirror 2he TOTALLY doe2nt know about.  
TA: ehehehe look at conde2ce go!  
CT: D --> I think that’s a very dignified dance  
CT: D --> Dance has a noble history  
TA: 2ay2 the iindiigoblood wiith two left feet.  
CT: D --> You have only one move   
TA: that2 the be2t move.  
TA: youll agree later iif we ever get two do iit.  
TA: the empre22 2eem2 two liike twerkiing the be2t.  
CT: D --> It’s called the low squatting rumble pose.   
TA: whatever that move ii2 2he2 really hiitiing hii2 2hiin hard  
CT: D --> Oh my God, he hit Her  
CT: D --> On the buttocks  
TA: damn!  
CT: D --> I meant oh my goodness, by the way  
CT: D --> How has he not been punished  
TA: becau2e 2he liike2 iit liike that.  
TA: iit2 pretty damn 2exy.  
TA: but dont you dare try iit on my weak bony a22.  
CT: D --> I couldn’t try it on any posterior, weak or not  
TA: 2he2 turniing around!  
TA: a22 up near the camera, that ii2 2O on purpo2e.  
TA: look at that booty go!  
CT: D --> She has remarkable control over her gluteus maximius  
TA: iit2 liike a bowl of gelatiin, ii am gettiing hypnotiized by that 2hakiing.  
TA: bet that2 how 2he get2 everyone two do her biiddiing.  
CT: D --> I am certain the fuschiab100d can get people to follow her  
CT: D --> Without using her rear end  
CT: D --> She has the STRENGTH of b100d  
TA: 2he ha2 that AND a genociidal lu2u2.  
TA: more proof that 2he2 behiind thii2 2iince who el2e would dare?  
TA: ehehehe behiind.  
TA: fuck ii hear a ziipper!  
CT: D --> I can’t hear anything  
TA: 2he2 unziippiing the bodysuiit!  
TA: iif only 2he wa2 turned around  
CT: D --> I think seeing her back is fine enough  
CT: D --> 100k how e%quisite the bare flesh is  
TA: iit2 not all bare.  
TA: 2he2 got a tramp stamp.  
CT: D --> A what stamp  
TA: iit2 a bliingee, how do you even tattoo a bliingee?  
CT: D --> She obviously has access to only the best artist in the business  
TA: 100k at that hand mark on her a22, grand hiighb100d ha2 a hand on hiim.  
CT: D --> As He should  
CT: D --> Though it would be better if He didn’t use it against our Empress  
TA: 2he2 not weariing pantiies.  
CT: D --> Wrong, lowb100d  
CT: D --> I detect a pair of small pink thong-style panties  
TA: youre riight, a22 man.  
CT: D --> I’m only observant  
CT: D --> Thongs are so noble  
CT: D --> So freeing  
TA: ii dont fiind haviing a permanent wedgiie freeiing.  
TA: iit2 boxer2 for me.  
TA: FIINALLY, 2he2 naked.  
CT: D --> When will the Grand Highb100d get undressed  
TA: youre into hiim?  
TA: more than our iimperiiou2 conde2ce?  
CT: D --> He is second to our monarch  
CT: D --> Why should I not enjoy His noble body  
TA: hii2 funky a22 clown body.  
CT: D --> He’s taking off his shirt  
CT: D --> Oh my  
CT: D --> That is an elaborate series of scars  
TA: holy 2hiit how many people have stabbed hiim?  
TA: also he2 kiinda fat.  
CT: D --> He’s not obese  
CT: D --> He is stocky  
CT: D --> 100k at him fle% his arms  
TA: why ii2 he flexiing randomly, hmmm?  
CT: D --> Why not  
CT: D --> She’s enjoying his demonstration  
TA: he2 got the guns but he2 2tiill got a belly liike a contaiiner of gelatiin.  
CT: D --> Just because you have neither muscles nor fat  
CT: D --> Doesn’t mean you should 100k down on people who do  
TA: he2 not a2 toned a2 you, you have two admiit.  
CT: D --> Thank you  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> Don’t compare me to this illustrious indigob100d  
TA: jeez iim tryiing two compliiment you.  
CT: D --> He’s sitting on the platform now  
CT: D --> His shoes are impressive  
TA: could be all aiir, he ii2 a clown.  
CT: D --> No  
CT: D --> His feet are worthy of his shoes  
TA: fuck, that guy need2 a pediicure.  
CT: D --> You don’t get pedicures  
TA: ii miight iif ii had the money.   
CT: D --> His Holy Codpiece  
TA: that thiing look2 really hard two take off.  
TA: how doe2 he get iit off every morniing?  
CT: D --> Her Imperious Condescension is getting Him off  
TA: iid hope 2o, 2hed be a 2hiitty lover iif 2he didnt  
CT: D --> I mean getting the codpiece off  
CT: D --> I hope She does get him off though  
CT: D --> It would be e%tremely rude not to  
TA: iit2 off!!  
TA: holy 2hiit, that bulge!!  
CT: D --> Oh my god  
CT: D --> I mean  
CT: D --> Goodness  
TA: that2 the 2iize of my arm, how ii2 that po22iible?  
CT: --> He is much larger than you by far  
TA: even 2o that ii2 proportiionally HUGE, iit2 almo2t down two his knee2.  
CT: D --> So you said earlier that our Makara has had quite the growth spurt  
TA: you are NOT a2kiing me iif gz ha2 a biig bulge are you?  
TA: becau2e iim not goiing two a2k kk for you.  
CT: D --> What is She doing with that bulge  
TA: 2he2 kii22iing iit, duh.  
CT: D --> But that's filthy  
TA: 2o the grand highblood2 mouth and 2he kii22e2 that.   
CT: D --> How could She stoop to such perversion  
TA: are you que2tiioniing our ruler2 judgement?  
CT: D --> Of course not  
TA: iif 2he want2 to do it, let her do iit.  
TA: though 2he2 doiing a shiity job of iit, ju2t holdiing iit liimply whiile kii22iing iit liightly  
CT: D --> Could you do a better job than Our Imperious Condescension  
TA: youll fiind that out later *black sign*  
TA: though 2eriiously ii dont thiink ii could take on that mon2ter.  
CT: D --> If She can't do it  
CT: D --> No one can  
TA: well hiighblood2 arent good at head ii2 what they all 2ay.  
CT: D --> I feel no shame over that  
CT: D --> The Grand Highblood is satisfied   
CT: D --> That's all that matters  
TA: look at hiim stroke her haiir, that2 2weet.  
CT: D --> Indeed, it is quite tender  
TA: ii completely love long gorgeous haiir  
CT: D --> I know  
TA: ii mean aa and ff's haiir, ii could live wiithout your 2weaty liimp haiir.  
CT: D --> You'll be surprised to find out my hair is silky like a purebred hoofbeast's mane  
TA: ii fiind that hard two be beliieve  
CT: D --> Ask Nepeta and she'll verify  
TA: ii dont want two 2sk your moiiraiil iif your haiir ii2 2exy.  
CT: D --> You don't need to use the word “s*%y” with her  
CT: D --> Just ask her  
TA: okay your haiir ii2 better than vrii2ka2.  
CT: D --> That's not much of a compliment  
CT: D --> As we all know about Serket  
CT: D --> Wait, what is Her Imperious Condescension doing with her illustrious locks  
TA: 2he2 giiviing hiim a hand job, wiith her haiir??  
CT: D --> Can the Heiress do that  
TA: are you a2kiing about our 2ex liife?  
TA: you know we broke up in that quadrant.  
CT: D --> I meant  
CT: D --> Outside the boudoir  
CT: D --> Is her hair prehensile  
TA: 2he ha2 a liitle control over iit, but you need centuriie2 of practiice for thii2.  
CT: D --> It is amazing how skilled our Empress is in all things  
TA: iif you had that 2kiill, would you use iit two put your hair up 2omeone2 nook or a22?  
CT: D --> That's disgusting  
CT: D --> Unless the Empress is doing it  
CT: D --> In which case it isn't  
TA: 2poken liike a true patriiot  
TA: 2he2 2topped kneeliing, gue22 2he2 tiired of blowiing the hiighblood  
CT: D --> Her Bone Bulge is out  
CT: D --> It is  
CT: D --> That is to say  
TA: much 2maller than the grand highblood?  
CT: D --> Yes, that is true  
CT: D --> Though the Grand Highblood is e%ceedingly above-average  
CT: D --> It would be difficult to be bigger than that  
TA: 2tiill ii2 a liitle diisappoiintiing 2he doe2nt have a record-breakiing bulge.  
CT: D --> It is e%quisitely decorated  
TA: 2houldnt the jewelry 2nag when 2he pull2 iit back iin?  
CT: D --> The Grand Highb100d certainly appreciates that bone bulge  
CT: D --> 100k at Him worship it  
TA: ii wouldn't trust hiim not two biite iit off iin a subjuggulator blood lu2t.  
CT: D --> I'm sure the Grand Highb100d has at least that amount of control  
CT: D --> His beautiful rage is for lower trolls  
TA: ii don't get what2 2o great about highblood rage.  
TA: when ii rage ii'm 2ome over-2en2iitiive lowblood but when you guy2 rage youre bold warriior2.  
TA: iit2 not faiir.  
CT: D --> Can we focus on the movie and not your neurosis for once  
TA: okay that2 faiir.  
TA: ghb ii2 doiing a better job than condy diid wiith hiim  
CT: D --> Highb100ds aren't so terrible at oral s*% after all  
TA: now you're proud of giiviing head, huh?  
CT: D --> You started with the comparison  
TA: huh he2 stopped already, ju2t leaniing back.  
TA: wait.  
CT: D --> Oh my that STRENGTH  
TA: he ju2t threw her up and plopped her on hii2 fuckiing face liike 2he wa2 an anatomiically correct rag doll.  
CT: D --> Isn't it hard to breath in that position  
TA: probably.  
CT: D --> Though I suppose that isn't a bad thing  
CT: D --> What a way to go that would be  
TA: ghb ii2 really iinto her nook, diid 2he douche wiith faygo?  
CT: D --> That would be disgusting and unhygienic  
TA: you would know unhygeniic.  
CT: D --> I don't even stock any surgery drinks in my hive  
TA: maybe 2he naturally ta2te liike faygo.  
TA: or maybe 2he ta2te2 liike tab.  
TA: and that2 where tab come2 from.  
CT: D --> Another reason not to drink soda  
TA: ii wonder iif he2 eatiing out her a22.  
CT: D --> That is definitely unhygienic  
TA: don't know iit tiill you try iit, wiith 2omebody other than me.  
CT: D --> Well if Her Imperious Condescension demanded it  
CT: D --> I would  
TA: all 2hed demand of me would be beiing her 2pace2hip NO THANK2.  
TA: look, 2he2 giiviing ghb a haiir job, good two 2ee 2he2 not leaviing hiim hangiing.  
CT: D --> He is taking some time  
TA: hey eq ii2 your bulge out?  
CT: D --> Are yours  
TA: do you thiink iid be 2o unpatriiotiic two not have a wiiggly or two?  
CT: D --> Mine is out  
CT: D --> E%tremely out  
TA: niice.  
TA: two bad ii cant touch iit.  
TA: but you can't eiither 2o fuck thii2 world.  
CT: D --> I do have methods of m*******tion  
TA: 2o the priim and proper eq doe2 ma2turbate.  
CT: D --> I don't use the methods often but I do have them  
TA: iill ma2turbate twiice a2 much two make up for you.  
CT: D --> Wasn't that your habit even before we became kismesises  
TA: you got me there.  
TA: awww thii2 feel2 good.  
CT: D --> Are you taking up the slack now  
TA: thank god for p2ychiic typiing, make2 the2e power2 worth it  
CT: D --> I think your powers are already a reward from Mother Grub  
CT: D --> Don't deign yourself  
TA: yeah that2 what youre here for.  
TA: oh god ii wii2h you were here.  
CT: D --> What would you do if I was there  
TA: iid have you finger my nook.  
TA: actually that2 a bad idea wiith your 2trength, never miind.  
CT: D --> I'm sure I could do something  
TA: maybe you could watch naked and make 2narky comment2.  
TA: we could do that now, but how would we watch the moviie?  
CT: D --> They've changed position  
TA: gue22 he diidn't 2uffocate.  
TA: look2 liike 2hell top.  
CT: D --> What other position could They do  
TA: youve 2een enough art two know other po2iitiion.  
CT: D --> I meant given their respective statuses  
TA: 2he2 cho2en rever2e hoofbea2t-wrangler.  
TA: a.k.a. the po2iitiion 2hell look be2t iin.  
CT: D --> We can't see the Grand Highb100d's face  
TA: ii 2ee that a2 a plu2.  
TA: 2he2 guiidiing the bulge iin.  
TA: want two bet iif iit wiill fiit?  
CT: D --> I don't take any bets  
CT: D --> Especially none as 100d as that  
TA: ju2t jokiing, iif 2he had diied of bone bulge overdo2e wed have heard of iit.  
TA: though the cau2e of death would be lii2ted diifferently.  
TA: liike 2he ju2t happened two triip and tear her body iin two.  
CT: D --> It seems to be making its way in  
TA: the tiip2 the ea2y part, let2 2ee iif 2he can get more.  
CT: D --> Oh my  
TA: wow that2 iimpre22iive.  
TA: iit ju2t keep2 comiing liike a worm trolley iinto a tunnel but the worm get2 biigger exponentiially.  
TA: ii2 2he hollow??  
TA: doe2 2he have a black hole iin her nook??  
CT: D --> She's simply a very tall woman  
TA: that2 true but WOW.  
CT: D --> She's at the root  
TA: look at that 2tretch.  
TA: iit hurt2 ju2t two look at iit.  
CT: D --> I find it an e%tremely enjoyable sight  
TA: ii wonder how iit feel2.  
CT: D --> You shall some night find out  
CT: D --> Some night soon  
TA: oh come on, iive 2een your bulge.  
CT: D --> Did you not notice the size  
TA: iit2 above-average, don't get me wrong.  
TA: ju2t you aren't a hoofbea2t.  
CT: D --> I am noble like a hoofbeast  
TA: ii hope you dont randomly 2hiit on the road liike a hoofbea2t  
CT: D --> I don't have that trait  
TA: ii2 the bulge moviing??  
CT: D --> I see some bulging in her thorax  
TA: oh come on that2 IIMPO22IIBLE.  
CT: D --> I have seen pictures of it  
TA: mu2clebea2t paiintiing2 dont count.  
CT: D --> The artists must have some realism in their work  
TA: not an expert but ii dont beliieve that AT ALL.  
CT: D --> You are correct  
CT: D --> You are not an e%pert  
TA: now 2he2 moviing  
CT: D --> How elegant  
TA: look at tho2e rumble2phere2 go.  
CT: D --> I can't keep my eyes off them  
TA: 2o you're al2o a rumble2phere troll.  
TA: want to know a 2ecret about her?  
CT: D --> I'm afraid to ask  
TA: people 2ay her rumble2phere2 are fake.  
CT: D --> People say lots of vile things  
TA: but her de2cendent is rather flat-che2ted.  
CT: D --> She's only 7 and a ½ sweeps old  
TA: true.  
TA: thii2 all make2 me mii22 haviing ff a2 a mate2prit  
CT: D --> You mean you aren't happy with Aradia  
TA: oh ii am happy wiith aa.  
TA: and ff make2 a good moiiraiill.  
TA: but it wa2 fun experiimentiing wiith ff.  
CT: D --> Why would you break up with the Heiress then  
TA: iit wa2 mutual, ii thiink we were ju2t together becau2e we were curiiou2 about what it'd be liike two be wiith another race  
CT: D --> I hope you aren't with me just out of curiosity  
TA: ii 2hould worry that about you.  
CT: D --> There are other things about you that e%cite me  
TA: liike how you fiind me...  
TA: electriifyiing?  
CT: D --> Is that a psionics reference  
TA: duh.   
TA: thii2 ii2 one-2iided.  
CT: D --> I'd say our relationship is  
TA: no condy and ghb2 2ex.  
TA: why cant he get 2ome nook actiion?  
CT: D --> He should be thankful for whatever He gets from Our Imperious Condescension  
TA: iid be dii2appoiinted not gettiing that jewelry iinto me.  
TA: oh who am ii kiidiing, iid be happy ju2t two not be a 2hape2hiip.  
CT: D --> It is a most beautiful organ to behold  
TA: ii thiink 2he want2 two keep iit dii2played  
CT: D --> 100k  
CT: D --> Her also Illustrious Hair is penetrating the Grand Highb100d  
CT: D --> She is magnanimously giving back what She was given  
TA: ii don't know how two feel about thii2.  
CT: D --> It was your objection  
TA: 2hed better not put iit up hii2 wa2techute or ii am deletiing thii2.  
CT: D --> Her Imperious Condescension is speaking  
TA: 2he ha2 been amaziingly quiet.  
TA: though that might be becau2e the 2ound ii2 2o 2hitty.  
TA: next 100 2weep2, 2he 2hould iinvest iin a boom miike  
CT: D --> Can you tell what She's saying  
TA: ii thiink iit2 ju2t normal moan2.  
CT: D --> I swear I hear some words  
TA: you got 2hitty heariing from haviing bangiing machiine2 next two you all niight.  
CT: D --> Meanwhile you have buzzing bees  
TA: 2he i2 2ayiing 2omethiing.  
TA: grand highblood??  
TA: 2he2 really 2ayiing that??  
CT: D --> What is so surprising about that  
CT: D --> He is the troll She's with  
CT: D --> It would be rude to say someone else's name  
TA: yeah but who 2ay2 2omeone2 title duriing 2ex?  
TA: are they not iintiimate enough two u2e hatchname2?  
TA: 2omethiing ii2 fii2hy and iit2 not ju2t condy.  
CT: D --> I can't begin to imagine what His Mirthfulness's hatchname is  
TA: ii thiink 2he cant reveal iit becau2e 2he2 beiing taped.  
TA: waiit diid 2he 2ay k-2omethiing?  
CT: D --> I wouldn't know  
CT: D --> Robot noises, as you said  
TA: diid ghb jus2t 2ay biitch?  
CT: D --> He might have just been using the 100d word as an intensifier  
CT: D --> Makara rarely uses it to refer to female trolls  
CT: D --> However Vantas  
TA: he 2aiid fii2h-biitch.  
CT: D --> You lie  
CT: D --> How could anyone ever think to call Her Imperious Condescension that  
TA: lot2 of people, but they arent good on platform.  
CT: D --> I don't think anyone could be talented enough in 100d activities to dare say it  
TA: he2 probably also good iin a piile, so he2 got two great 2kiill2 iin two quadrant2.  
CT: D --> Don't remind of Their alleged quadrant blurring  
CT: D --> It's e%tremely disgusting  
TA: extremely dii2gustiing?  
TA: mu2t be your kiink.  
CT: D --> It is yours  
TA: touche.  
TA: ii hear 2ome tiinny dub2tep.  
CT: D --> I don't hear anything  
TA: 2he 2topped moviing, why?  
TA: 2he took 2omethiing out of her 2ylladex  
CT: D --> It's a shell  
TA: iit2 a fuckiing 2hell phone!!  
CT: D --> I didn't e%pect Her to still use a flip phone in this night and age  
TA: ii diidn't expect her two use any phone!!  
CT: D --> Though it is Her right to use any phone She feels fit  
TA: but duriing 2ex??  
TA: what the fuck??  
TA: could 2he at lea2t get that bone bulge out of her??  
CT: D --> That isn't an anatomy that easily comes out  
TA: yeah don't want your organ2 comiing out with it.  
TA: couldnt 2he tell the caller two waiit??  
CT: D --> It could be an e%tremely important call  
TA: nah, there2 2omethiing two ca2ual about her body language.  
CT: D --> Even now Her body language is beautiful  
TA: now 2he2 takiing the haiir out.  
TA: iit look2 wet and purple, don't know how two feel about that.  
CT: D --> The Grand Highb100d is groaning  
TA: iid groan two, thii2 ii2 an iin2ult.  
CT: D --> He's not allowed to feel insulted by Her  
TA: well iid feel iin2ulted iif you diid that.  
CT: D --> As if you wouldn't stop for a notification from one of the many pointless MMPORGs you play  
TA: ii have 2ome 2elf-control, you know.  
TA: 2ometiime2.  
TA: god, ii wii2h ii knew what 2he wa2 2ayiing.  
TA: maybe 2omeone ha2 come out and 2aid they were on the liine at the tiime.  
CT: D --> That would be rude to reveal  
TA: no ruder than condy.  
CT: D --> The Grand Highblood's anatomy is retreating  
TA: good for hiim, iim retreating two.  
TA: maybe thii2 ii2 how iit ends.  
TA: ii want my non-exi2tent money from torrentiing thii2 back.  
CT: D --> Her anatomy is still out  
CT: D --> I dare say She isn't satisfied  
TA: iit2 not the end! 2he ju2t 2at on ghb2 face!  
TA: AND 2HE2 2TIILL ON THE 2HELL PHONE!!  
CT: D --> She has such poise under stress  
TA: ii thiink 2he'2 crackiing a liitle, ghb must be bomb-a22 at thii2.  
CT: D --> She moaned into the phone  
TA: iimagiine how the caller mu2t feel, iif they diidn't realiize at the time they must feel liike a grade-Z cullbait after thii2 came out  
CT: D --> Maybe this is Her normal practice  
TA: you thiink half the tiime 2he an2wer2 her phone 2he2 haviing 2ex??  
CT: D --> She's allowed to do that  
TA: no 2he2 not!! no one ii2 allowed two do that!!  
CT: D --> I have a feeling you are a hypocrite here  
TA: at least ii feel guiilty doiing iit.  
CT: D --> There, She put away Her phone  
CT: D --> Are you happy now  
TA: no. never happy.  
CT: D --> They are getting into a new position  
TA: on the lap? niice.  
CT: D --> I think it should be His Mirthfulness on His Empress's lap  
TA: ii thiink hed cru2h her 2hapely thiigh2 flat wiith hii2 weiight.  
CT: D --> His Mirthfulness is not obese  
TA: he2 not fat, he2 HUGE.  
CT: D --> What sweet kisses  
TA: a few 2econd2 ago hiis tongue wa2 root-deep in her nook  
CT: D --> Don't bring that up  
CT: D --> That is disgusting  
CT: D --> Wait what is She doing  
TA: ehehehe, now that2 dii2gu2tiing.  
CT: D --> She can't possible be  
CT: D --> Papping Him  
TA: iid iimagiine hed need 2ome calmiing after the way 2he iignored hiim.  
CT: D --> But papping during s*%  
CT: D --> It's too much  
TA: you 2aiid 2he could do anythiing 2he wanted.  
CT: D --> Turn this off now  
TA: youre two much of a coward two watch?  
CT: D --> I am not a coward  
CT: D --> I am just a decent troll  
TA: cowaard..  
CT: D --> Am not  
TA: are two  
CT: D --> Am not  
TA: are two  
CT: D --> No  
TA: ye2  
CT: D --> No  
TA: ye2  
CT: D --> No  
TA: ye2  
CT: D --> Stop this  
TA: oh you got your wii2h, they 2topped pappiing.  
CT: D --> Thank God and Mother Grub  
CT: D --> And Thank the Empress  
TA: iit2 hard two pap and have 2ex, pappiing diimiini2hes2 arou2al.  
TA: and ye2 ii know fiir2t hand, from both ff and aa.  
CT: D --> If Her Imperious Condescension and His Mirthfulness could stop shoving this perversion in my face  
CT: D --> So can you  
TA: okay iill 2top makiing you jealou2 wiith my much better 2ex liife.  
TA: though iit2 not hard two beat you  
CT: D --> I once almost made it to second station with your current matesprit  
TA: yeah and you ended up wiith me  
TA: 2omeone wa2 the lo2er here and it wa2nt aa  
CT: D --> I think Aradia  
TA: eq?  
CT: D --> It seems the Grand Highblood's anatomy has sheathed itself in Her Imperious Condescension  
TA: they pulled that off again??  
CT: D --> And in contrast to your disloyal objections  
CT: D --> Her Golden Anatomy is finally in Him  
TA: you make iit 2ound like an iimperial ceremony when theyre ju2t fuckiing liike over-2exed priimate2.  
CT: D --> How dare you not find this e%quisite  
TA: oh ii fiind iit “exquisite” all riight, iim just 2urprii2ed you do.  
TA: ii had two beg you two watch thii2 liittle viideo.  
CT: D --> I was wrong  
CT: D --> In this instance  
CT: D --> I can see why one might be deluded to think Her Imperious Condescension would leak it  
CT: D --> Given how flattering She looks  
CT: D --> Though of course She didn't leak it  
TA: you ju2t keep telliiing your2elf that.   
TA: have fun wiith your delu2ion2 that condy ii2nt the biigge2t exhiibitionii2t iin the uniiver2e.  
TA: 2he ii2 hot though, ii can 2ee why 2hed want everyone two know.  
CT: D --> I'm glad you approve of Her  
TA: ii miight even want two have 2ex wiith her, 2pace2hiip bull2hiit or not.  
TA: okay ii cant get over the 2pace2hiip part.  
CT: D --> Would you have s*% with the Grand Highb100d  
TA: ii thiink beiing a 2pace2hiip would be better than what murder2adii2tclown would plan for me.  
CT: D --> I would most sincerely want to  
CT: D --> Obey  
CT: D --> His carnal orders  
TA: ugghhh.  
TA: fwii iif you cheat on me wiith gz ii wiill FRY your pert a22.  
CT: D --> I wasn't planning to  
TA: riight on.  
CT: D --> I certainly hear something now  
TA: ii thiink the undead could hear that, now everyone know2 what iim watchiing.  
TA: though theyre probably al2o watchiing iit.  
CT: D --> She's going to spill Her Most Fuchsia g***** m*******  
CT: D --> And He His Purple  
CT: D --> Such a mi%ture  
TA: yeah pretty color2 and all but WHERE II2 THE BUCKET??  
CT: D --> I don't see one either  
TA: thii2 ii2 goiing where ii thiink iit2 goiing.  
TA: theyre goiing two fuckiing paiill iin each other liike lazy triigger-happy adole2cent2 who cant quiite reach the bucket.  
CT: D --> I think They are  
TA: here iit come2, they are on the road two danger.  
TA: holy 2hiit!!  
CT: D --> Oh fuck  
CT: D --> I mean fudge  
TA: thii2 iisnt fudge iit2 genetic materiial!!  
TA: ghb ii2 gettiing even fatter!!  
CT: D --> He is NOT fat  
TA: and look at condy!!  
TA: how wiill 2he fiit iinto her tiight body2uiit now??  
CT: D --> What a disturbing sight  
CT: D --> Yet how also  
CT: D --> Alluring  
TA: ii got two admit 2he doe2 2tiill look2 kiinda hot.  
CT: D --> Have you ever been in this situation  
TA: dont a2k me that, god!!  
TA: ye2 ii have.  
TA: but only once.  
TA: once ii2 enough.  
CT: D --> So you don't want to go for  
CT: D --> Twice  
TA: fuck you.  
CT: D --> You shall one night  
TA: 2o theyre makiing out, are they goiing two fix theiir obviiou2 problem??  
TA: theyll ju2t go two imperiial event2 lookiing liike they already went two the after buffet??  
CT: D --> Perhaps They find pleasure in holding  
TA: weiirdo2.  
TA: okay here come2 the bucket.   
CT: D --> E%cellent  
CT: D --> She looks so poised squatting   
TA: ii wii2h ii could look cool doiing po2iition2 liike that but ii make siitting iin a chaiir look bad.  
CT: D --> Then there's your one dance move  
TA: yeah ii look cool doiing that.  
CT: D --> No you don't  
TA: here come2 the grand ghb iinto the bucket of pale-flu2h.  
TA: 2adly even wiith relea2iing all that liiquiid from hiis thorax he2 2tiill fat.  
CT: D --> His Mirthfulness is not fat  
TA: well 2o what iif he ii2??  
TA: iim skiinny and iim not two bad.  
CT: D --> You could be less skinny if you tried  
TA: yeah maybe ii 2hould be a2 fat a2 grand high blub, youd piitch me more.   
CT: D --> Her Imperious Condescension is coming to the vanity  
TA: yeah two turn off the camera.  
TA: there2 liike a couple 2econd2 left whoop2 there iit2 all black.  
TA: liike our relatiion2hiip *black sign*  
\-- twinArmageddons [TA] completed streaming “leakedroyalmovie.mp4” --   
CT: D --> Thank you for showing this fascinating video to me  
TA: thank2 for makiing iit two the end.  
CT: D --> Now delete it  
TA: nope.  
CT: D --> Delete it now  
TA: nope 2x.  
CT: D --> NOW LOWB100D  
TA: maybe ii 2hould ju2t tell you ii deleted iit and not actually delete iit.   
TA: oh waiit ii ju2t deleted iit for real acciidentally.  
CT: D --> Good  
TA: (ehehehe)  
CT: D --> Are your bulges still out  
TA: a biit but iive been 2o caught up iin the 2exy banter ii havent done enough actually 2exiing  
CT: D --> Do this “s*%ing” now  
TA: awww yeah that feel2 good  
TA: one and two are out and proud!!  
TA: m finger22 ar deeep iin m nook now  
TA: on pychic typin now  
CT: D --> Yes  
CT: D --> Tell me more  
TA: feeel2 god  
TA: my bullge22 are twii2tiing liike clow dervii2he2  
TA: telll mee abot you  
CT: D --> My noble indigo b*lge is out and proud and ready for a lowb100d n**k to sink into  
TA: yeeeh love yor bulge  
CT: D --> Indeed  
CT: D --> It is galloping like a hoofbeast freed from its confining stable  
TA: gogdamit dont use hooofbest analogy2 duriin 2ex hoofbe2t dont even loook liike bulges  
CT: D --> Fine you lowb100d philistine  
CT: D --> My b**** is like a swarm of bees seeking flowers  
TA: that make2 no2en2e ii hat how turnned on ii am  
CT: D --> Are you close  
TA: ye2h  
CT: D --> <3<  
TA: 2222222222222s  
CT: D --> Did you clima%  
CT: D --> Sollux are you there  
TA: giive me tiime two breath OKAY.   
TA: diid you fiinii2h?  
CT: D --> I shall finish later when I have the proper equipment  
TA: you probably fiinii2hed half an hour ago and diidnt tell me.  
CT: D --> I did not  
CT: D --> Though I find your undoing  
CT: D --> A clima% of its own  
TA: ii cant beliieve ii saiid those thiings about my 2ex liife.  
TA: dont tell aa and ff.   
CT: D --> I wouldn't dare speak to the Heiress of such things  
TA: and you dont talk two aa ever.   
TA: 2he2 lucky twiice over, e2capiing death and e2capiing you.  
CT: D --> And you are lucky she delivered me to you  
TA: yeah ii got a 2mokiing-hot kii2me2ii2 who ii2 madly talented at technology.  
CT: D --> Thank you  
TA: but not at all a2 talented a2 me.  
CT: D --> how dare you say I'm not as talented as you  
TA: but ii am.  
TA: liike you used two not know what 2erver2 were.  
CT: D --> I was only si% sweeps at the time  
TA: well ii knew what they were when ii wa2 four.  
CT: D --> I'd say I beat you in the body department  
CT: D --> But is such a statement is so obvious it's not worth saying  
TA: <3<  
CT: D --> <3<  
TA: 2o what moviie were you planniing on 2howiing next frogniite?  
CT: D --> I had planned for Too **BROKE** Too **BOW** 22  
CT: D --> But I might have to dig up something  
CT: D --> On the same scale as your controversial selection  
TA: that 2ound2 omiiniiou2.  
CT: D --> It is  
CT: D --> Good day, sourspade  
TA: good day, dont rip off your bone bulge before ii can u2e iit  
centaursTesticles [CT]ceased trolling twinArmaggedons [TA]

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone feels like illustrating this I would be thankful.


End file.
